Sample Pages 2
Chapter 5
When John Thomas felt the tug, he had no idea how long he had been resting here in the light. He had not really been sleeping, just inactive. It was so pleasant and satisfying and perfect that there was no need to do anything, even think. And then he became gradually aware of something pulling him …a tug but not a body tug (he still wasn’t aware of his body at all); it was a sort of a mind tug. This was new to him, and he didn’t quite know how to handle it. He definitely felt something pulling him —sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker, but constant. He found that if he concentrated on it, the summons became clearer and his consciousness began to follow it out of the center of the light. He definitely didn’t want to leave, but he couldn’t help thinking about the pulling sensation. The more he thought about it, the stronger was the pull, until he found himself emerging into an awareness of objects and physical space. It was a room, white and well-lit, with two people in it.
Although he was near the ceiling and could see only the top of her head and body, he was sure that the woman in the chair was Kate. As he looked at the man lying on the bed, it took a few moments to realize that it was himself. How strange he looked! It wasn’t at all like when he looked in the mirror. And he realized that he had to wake up from this weird dream, because Kate was crying.
He had to speak to her, to comfort her. She must be worried about him, lying there so still. He tried to will his body’s eyes to open, to make the body move and smile and sit up. But his will didn’t seem to have any influence on the body lying in the bed. John Thomas decided to speak directly to Kate, and he bent low to speak softly in her ear. He said, “Kate, it’s all right. I’m here.”
Kate shivered and looked around, but she didn’t seem to see him. As he reached to touch her, he noticed that his body was back with him, reaching toward his wife; at the same time it was still lying on the bed, eyes closed and motionless. This was getting stranger by the minute! When his hand reached her shoulder, there was no contact! It passed right through her body!
“Kate, what’s happening?” he almost screamed, disoriented and afraid. Kate didn’t respond—didn’t seem to hear. She continued sobbing, crying out in anguish that wrenched John Thomas’s heart and made him cry out, too. “Kate, Kate, please. I’m here! I’m all right! Can’t you hear me? I’m right here! Please, please, stop crying!”
What kind of a nightmare was this? She couldn’t see or hear him, he couldn’t touch her; they were both upset and needed to comfort each other, but they couldn’t. If this was one of those frustration dreams, then it was more real and more terrifying than any he’d had before. Perhaps it wasn’t a dream. Perhaps . . .
Suddenly John Thomas grew very quiet. When he thought carefully, the pieces began to come together. He could think a little better now, as Kate had stopped sobbing and was sitting quietly, though she was still intensely forlorn. It occurred to J.T. that he was no longer a material being. Though he felt the same (or nearly the same; he actually felt better than he had in years), he couldn’t touch Kate. As he experimented, he found that his hand passed right through the bedside table, and even out through the wall without touching it. He walked out into the hallway (his hand wouldn’t grasp the doorknob, so he walked through the door), and stepped right in front of a nurse who was walking along it. He said hello and didn’t move; she said nothing and walked right through him. Curious.
Well then, it became clear that if he wasn’t dreaming, John Thomas was dead. He surely didn’t feel dead. And it wasn’t like any of the stories he’d heard. It was more like a dream, after all. That was probably it. Nothing to worry about.
J.T. walked back through the door and Kate was still there, sobbing again. His body was there on the bed, where he’d left it, and it really looked dead. “If this is a dream, how can I wake myself up?” thought John Thomas. Unable to think of an answer, he went over to Kate again. He tried to put his hands on her shoulders and comfort her, with no better success than before. She was really heartbroken. And it broke his heart to see her like this. He had to do something!
Over and over again he said her name, trying to get her attention. Sometimes she looked around as if she sensed that someone was there, but obviously she couldn’t see him. He even tried jumping up and down on the bed, but while his body went up and down in the appropriate spot, the bed was not moved even an inch …not even a rustle! Damn!
J.T. thought that perhaps he could re-enter his body—put a little life in it, so to speak. When he approached it and looked at it, even tried to will it to join with his new, healthy body, he knew it was impossible. And he knew just as surely that he was dead. This was it.